Notes

Sources and references that informed specific essays.

Now That I Grow a Beard

  1. Fallone, Danielle. “Cicadas in Toronto’s High Park.” High Park Nature, High Park Nature Centre, 2018.
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A Fin Breaching

  1. It has taken me a long time to realize that, just as people differ in height, hair, and body type, they differ in sensitivity. A situation that causes emotional hemorrhaging in one person may be an unremarkable anecdote to another—and both reactions are valid. Those who do not feel deeply have other gifts and do not need to interpret their lack of tears as a deficiency. Likewise, those who naturally lead with their hearts shouldn’t be ashamed. By being bold enough to play to our individual strengths, the world becomes more diverse and thus more likely to meet all of our needs.
  2. Eckhart, Meister. Selected Writings. Translated and edited by Oliver Davies. Penguin Classics, 1994.
  3. Solnit, Rebecca. A Field Guide to Getting Lost. Viking, 2005.
  4. Before the first step is taken, the mere decision to believe that something else can exist creates the conditions for grief. Possibility is never a sure thing, it is a risk. Yet, to live without possibility is to endure eternal repetition, it is contentment in the saddest reading of the word. Those who, after loss, find the courage to want again should be commended. It is, without hyperbole, heroic. Action spreads, reigniting others and bringing them back to life.
  5. For all the talk about healing, it bears repeating: there is no circumstance in which a survivor’s actions—or inactions—absolve a perpetrator of responsibility. After a traumatic incident, many victims question their own role, wondering if there was something they could have done to prevent what happened. Such thinking often leads to self-blame, a response rooted in a culture that habitually absolves those in power. The abuser is 100% accountable for what transpired. There are no exceptions.
  6. One of the aftereffects of trauma is what psychiatrist Judith Herman calls constriction.7 As time passes after a traumatic event, intense emotional reactions may subside. This outward stabilization is often mistaken for healing, when, in fact, the trauma has merely evolved. In the constriction phase, a person shrinks their life to create a sense of safety. They may stop meeting new people, stay in a workplace they’ve outgrown, or avoid anything outside routine. Such armouring comes at a steep cost, slowly draining the spirit and turning life into something to be endured rather than lived.
  7. Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. BasicBooks, 2015.
  8. Jurado, Damien. “Johnny Caravella.” The Monster Who Hated Pennsylvania, Maraqopa Records, 2021.
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Joy is an Art to be Practiced

  1. This idea of the sun appearing differently depending on one’s mood comes from Yukio Mishima’s The Frolic of the Beasts.2
  2. Mishima, Yukio. The Frolic of the Beasts. Translated by Andrew Clare. Vintage International, 2018.
  3. Bharadwaj, Shrikant R. “Ocular Accommodation: The Autofocus Mechanism of the Human Eye.” Annual Review of Vision Science, vol. 11, no. 1, Sep. 2025, pp. 19-41.
  4. In Nikki-Rosa,5 Nikki Giovanni wrote, “something called progress killed my grandmother.”¹ There’s a cultural belief that progress is always good, but we rarely stop to ask what we’re progressing toward—or who benefits. I’m all for the world becoming fairer, kinder, and more accommodating, but that’s rarely what is happening. More often, “progress” fattens the pockets of those with homes on multiple continents. When another block of small businesses is leveled for a 50-story condo, it’s worth asking: whose progress is this?
  5. Giovanni, Nikki. Gemini: An Extended Autobiographical Statement on My First Twenty-Five Years of Being a Black Poet. New York: Viking Press, 1974.
  6. Gay, Ross. The Book of (More) Delights: Essays. Algonquin Books, 2023.
  7. Rousmaniere, Tony, Yimeng Zhang, Xu Li, and S. Shah. “Original Research: ChatGPT may be the the largest provider of mental health support in the United States.” Sentio University, Mar. 18, 2025.
  8. I am in favor of therapy. On the whole, it is a cultural good. Yet, as with anything simplified to meet consumer needs, it is not infallible. Mental health resources are not universally accessible, which has contributed to a class issue around emotions. Understanding one’s motivations is a noble pursuit, but therapy is not the sole way to do this. There are many roads up the same mountain.
  9. Rovelli, Carlo. The Order of Time. Translated by Erica Segre & Simon Carnell. Riverhead Books, 2018.
  10. An underrated skill is the ability to find new dreams. Most of us fall into two camps: either we give up when things get hard, or we hold on tight and refuse to let go. Both lead to misery. The wisdom lies in knowing when to move on, having faith that—though it hurts—there will be more love down the road. That discernment is resilience in action.
  11. Fay, Bill. “There Is a Valley.” Life Is People, Dead Oceans, 2012.
  12. Tudge, Colin. The Secret Life of Trees: How They Live and Why They Matter. Penguin Press, 2006.
  13. Gay, Ross. Inciting Joy: Essays. Algonquin Books, 2022.
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A Different Kind of Wanting

  1. Phillips, Adam. Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life. Picador/Macmillan, 2013.
  2. Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence — From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. BasicBooks, 2015.
  3. In modern songwriting, there is a saturation of the “too broken to be redeemed” trope (don’t try to save me, I’ll only end up hurting you!). While these thoughts may be genuine, performance exaggerates them. Self-flagellation has become seductive when staged. I wonder how many confessions remain unspoken in private, where such admissions are less likely to be met with applause. It’s as if these songs function like horror movies—we want to release the feeling, but only in a controlled setting, never in our actual lives.
  4. Artists have differing views on this, but I believe the task of creating beckons adventure. A work becomes valuable to others only if the maker is surprised by what is uncovered. There is magic involved.
  5. To clarify, I am against the stodgy puritanism that denies meaning in pleasure. It can be profound to dive into fantasy, experience worship, and fully feel one’s power. The problem arises when wanting never matures into a wider lens.
  6. Galeano, Eduardo. Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent. Monthly Review Press, 1971.
  7. Weil, Simone. Waiting for God. Translated by Emma Craufurd HarperPerennial, 2009.
  8. Thompson, Peter, and Slavoj Žižek, editors. The Privatization of Hope: Ernst Bloch and the Future of Utopia. Duke University Press, 2013.
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